2016-07-02: A piece of advice

Recently, I got many pieces of advice, on professional development, personal relationship, and rental hunting. First of all, I’d like to express my gratitude on people who care about me enough to provide me with a piece of their wisdom. Second, it seems that all the suggestions I received leads to one direction – How to live along with your stress.

In other words, how would you react when life does no process as you wished?

Just as the seven steps of grief, there are five steps of stress.

First, you try to understand what is happening. For example, your landlord told you that because of his divorce, you cannot stay in the current apartment.

Second, you start something called interpretation. That is, you link the event with the meaning to your life. For example, that means you need to find a new apartment before the end of the lease.

Third, you add implications towards the interpretation – trying to link the results to your current situation. In the landlord case, it means that 1) you can finally deal with a new landlord if you continue to rent; and 2)you would be homeless if you cannot find a new apartment in time.

Forth, you feel the emotions about these implications. You may feel cheerful if you don’t like your current landlord, and you finally have a legal opportunity to get rid of him/her. And meanwhile, you feel stressful because you would be homeless.

Fifth, you start to react upon your situation. Or to be more precise, you start to react on the emotions and implications. An important note here, the emotions and implications are available only because of you.  In the landlord case, the cheerful you would happily take the situation as an opportunity for a new apartment; the stressful you could have a nerve break-down and be panic since then. You would start to fight between the cheerful you and the panic you. If the cheerful you takes the upper hand, then you would have a shorter time to take actions and start house hunting. While if it’s stressful one, it would take longer.

See, there’s no one who can feel nothing; there’re ones who understand the situation but turn around their emotions sooner.  What leads to the quicker turn-around? Some obvious reasons are:

  • More life experience
  • A positive attitude
  • Families and friends who calm you by providing suggestions

And a very hidden one, don’t always first assume the worst when it comes to forth step.  If you think about being homeless, of course you would be panic and stressful. But if you take it as an opportunity, you can turn yourself around in a much happier way.

That’s the most important advice I learnt from all my families and friends. And now, time to take action.

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